Faith, Charity, & Hope
I am beyond excited to have been officially received into the Catholic Church on Easter Vigil Mass after one of the most incredible Lenten seasons of my life. Since I had separated myself from God through most of my twenties, I took every part of this journey back to Faith very seriously. I began my journey back to Faith about 3 years ago, when I picked up the Bible for the first time in my adult life. I found myself hungry for more, especially after my journey into Motherhood began. My husband and I found a home at Old Lady of Fatima Church in New London shortly after finding out I was pregnant with Natalie. Months after Natalie’s Birth in 2025, I began attending OCIA (Order of Catholic Initiation for Adults) in July. I was immediately humbled and hungry for more. I remember when Deacon Greg set the giant Catechism book in front of us during one of our first meetings, and then after that it felt like every meeting came with another book to read. I realized that even though my personal spirituality had already deepened immensely, it could be deepened even more with the Word of God.
What surprised me most was how much easier it became to Pray to God through this process. My relationship to God immediately blossomed deeper as I learned that I could use even the smallest moments of quiet to take the opportunity to reach out. Sometimes, while doing the dishes or folding laundry, I found myself in full conversation with God. As Lent began to approach, I wanted to submerge myself into even more knowledge and understand the Passion and Resurrection in a way I had never done before. I came across the Pray 40 challenge on the Hallowed app, which is essentially meditative prayer and learning from some of the most prominent and knowledgeable Catholics of our time. I found myself moved to tears often by the daily reflections and talks with Mother Olga. This app helped me meditate on scripture and lock in my goals for Lent: Grow closer to God (Faith), serve others with more presence in motherhood, friendship, & career (Charity), and disconnect from social media and the constant messages of dread from the world (Hope).
Growing closer to God required obedience to the Word. I read scripture every morning using my Lent guide from the church. It helped me understand passages I had never taken time to reflect on and find relevant, applicable meaning in my life. Most importantly, it helped me grow closer to Jesus and his teachings. At times, I felt like a true disciple as I looked for ways to apply the messages to my daily life. I also grew closer to God by removing Social Media and my phone from most of my daily life. I find myself spending up to 2 hours a day rocking my baby to sleep for naps and bedtime. In that time, I was able to read scripture or sit in silent meditation reflecting on my efforts for the day. These moments provided intimate time for prayer as I talked to God and our Holy Mother Mary about motherhood and the many challenges and blessings that have come with it. For the first time in my life, I truly felt their presence with me in these silent meditative states as Natalie drifted off to sleep.
In my goal to serve others with more presence, I found myself often serving my family & close friends the most. I focused on growing in my efforts to be a homemaker once I realized this is my new ministry. It felt Holy to be able to put present effort into meals, diaper changes, and preserving time with my husband. In serving others, I found opportunities to comfort friends during difficult times. Sometimes leaning on God to guide me in what to say or do. My homemade Ziti has become somewhat of a go-to when dropping off meals to help take one small item off of their plates to focus on what they were going through. I feel strange even writing this out, because I don’t want any kind of credit or recognition for doing these small things. It just feels like a necessary part of my journey to share, because I used to have the horrible mindset that if anything derailed me from my own tasks and time, it wasn't “disrupting my peace.” (This is a self-care ideology that is often pushed in modern day culture.) Through Christ, I’ve learned to live less selfishly and feel so much more peace by being there for people who need extra comfort and support than I did “preserving my (apparently very busy) schedule.”
In my silent reflection time, I thought about how I could give more acts of charity in my role as a Doula. This is where the inspiration for this website and my business mission & values emerged. I first want to give more of my time and effort to our church community. I see a lot of mothers and big families in the pews. I was told my the leaders in my OCIA classes that there used to be a nursery area and kids play area in the basement of the church. My goal is to restore that area so that women can have a private place to calm and feed their little ones, as well as provide a play area for kids to spend time with other children of the church outside of Mass. I would love to see this area blossom into a social area after Mass for families to meet other families, and eventually become an area for Biblical story time for young children in our Church community. Mom’s group is an idea I thought of once I realized how clear my head was after I removed social media “influencer” mom advice from my life, and instead found peace from Biblical advice about motherhood from scripture, monastery nuns, and the many Saints who should be looked up to as Mothers. It’s something that has improved my life so much, I want to share it with other moms in our church community to ensure they are also turning off the word of the world, and instead turning to the Word of God.
As you have probably noted, I’ve tied my main Lent goal (giving up social media) to both Faith & Charity. Now, I want to talk about how much Hope it is given me to step away from Social Media. It was a difficult decision to make, because I’ve often felt a connectedness to others through the internet. I had very real worries about missing updates from close family and friends or losing touch with people. By day two of no social media, I knew it was the best decision. I felt so much more at peace already. I didn’t have anything toying with my emotions all day, creating spikes of joy followed by plumets to sadness or resentment. Most importantly, I was no longer being manipulated by anything media related. I found myself quickly turning away from music, books, or television that I felt went against my values and tried to manipulate how I view things. I realized how dangerous social media can be after I had a fallout with a long-term friend because I’d get on my phone and every single reel that came up on my timeline validated everything I thought and felt about the betrayal. I thought to myself, “If this is doing this for me, I know it is also validating every stance she probably has, too.” That was ultimately the eye-opener that pushed me to rid myself of social media for Lent. Media thrives financially by keeping people at conflict, divided, and doubting or over validating oneself. After only a few weeks, for the first time in a long time, I felt so much control over my own mind and emotions.
Additionally, I found myself with way more time to get things done when I have down time within Natalie’s routines. It used to be easy to go ahead and pick up my phone when I didn’t need to be present with her, and it quickly became a “dissociation clutch.” Without my phone constantly by my side, our house slowly became more clean and beautiful. I had time to decorate the walls and pick out little features that embody who we are as a family under our roof. I had more time to create crafts and intentionally be more artsy in my cooking and baking. Everything became so much easier and didn’t feel like a task I had to hurry through. Giving up social media helped me slow down and focus on what really matters.
In these slower moments, I found my mind to be much less distracted, which made it so much easier to pray and be close to God (as I mentioned above.) My ideas became much more extravagant and creative, and I was able to identify a clear vision for my business and charity goals. I realized that getting off of social media helped rid me of the desire to feel seen. There is so much more value in being known by God and those closest to you than there is to be seen by hundreds of people who don’t know you online. I realized that my desire to be seen in the past had created issues with being known. People might have made assumptions about me based on short snippets I’ve shared about my thoughts or short highlights online. I probably have made assumptions about others based on what little they highlight about themselves online. Without the desire to feel seen by people, I feel known by God, and this is all I really need.
Empty me, fill me, use me. This is a prayer that Mother Olga introduced in the Pray 40 challenge on the Hallowed app. I found myself consistently leaning on it through the Lenten season, especially when I just wanted to get a quick word out to God. I truly believe that my journey to Faith began by God emptying me. Through the sacrament of reconciliation through the church, I felt emptied out of my past selfishness, guilt, and shame. Then, I felt filled by God’s grace and a new outlook of the world. I joke with my husband, who has witnessed this change in me firsthand, that my new friends don’t believe who I used to be, and my old friends don’t believe who I have become. Within the span of becoming a mother and seeking Christ, I have been completely remade. Truly, truly, I say to you, if someone only knew me before I became a mother, they no longer know me. Lastly, I consistently asked God how I could be of use. This change within me has been something I’ve been unable to fully describe or comprehend within my own self, so how to I put this gift from God to use. What am I supposed to do with the knowledge of what has happened to me? Through prayer, I started to realize how strong my desire is to be a voice and support for other mothers. During confession, I was told how important it is for me to share my story, especially with where I had been before God finally reached me. The beliefs I used to hold about the world often come with feelings of shame or guilt. So, how can I use what I know now to help others?
